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Relationship with an Asperger's Man: Advice for Women

written by: Debbie Roome • edited by: Elizabeth Wistrom • updated: 3/29/2011

Many women get into a relationship with an Asperger’s man without realizing the potential problems. Read on to find out what difficulties may arise and how to deal with them.

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    Possible Problems of Being in a Relationship with an Asperger’s Man

    An Asperger’s man can seem like an appealing partner and will bring some strengths into a relationship. However, there are a number of factors that may only surface later. Being aware of these can help a woman understand why the man is behaving in such a manner.

    • A man with Asperger’s is often more immature than his peers.
    • Males with Asperger’s may seem more feminine than other men their age and may not desire male companionship.
    • They do not have good social skills and figures of speech and body language are not understood.
    • Romance and physical contact may be modeled on movies, magazines or pornography.
    • Expressions of love are nonexistent, or only very occasional.
    • Asperger’s men work well with routines and generally do not like spontaneity.
    • Their need for social contact is normally far less than a neurotypical partner’s.
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    Tips and Advice on Being in a Relationship with an Asperger’s Man

    When struggling with the weaknesses of an Asperger’s man, it is good to weigh these up against his strengths. There is no such thing as a perfect man and if a woman is willing to work with her partner, their differences can be resolved to a degree where the relationship is improved. Here are some practical tips on how to deal with the challenges of being in a relationship with an Asperger’s man:

    • It is important to communicate openly with the man. Many times they see life through an Asperger’s filter, and are completely unaware that their actions are hurting the woman.
    • When discussing a problem area with an Asperger’s man, be direct and use clear language, with no figures of speech, so he understands what is wrong.
    • In many cases, the woman will have to tell the man what she needs or expects. For example, she might tell him that she needs a hug or she needs him to accompany her to an important function. Giving plenty of warning for special events is better than arranging spontaneous outings.
    • Men with Asperger’s are generally poor at organization skills, managing finances and child care. The woman may feel like she is a caregiver rather than a partner. This can be addressed by discussing the chores in question and sharing them as evenly as possible.
    • Asperger’s syndrome is characterized by a limited ability to handle conflict and accept blame. The woman may have to be careful how she addresses issues that arise.
    • A man with Asperger’s often has low levels of sexual desire and the woman may have to initiate sex.
    • Asperger’s men are poor at communication and may feel no need to sit and talk with their spouse. She needs to tell him how important it is for her to talk about everyday things, as well as share her deepest feelings.
    • Counseling with a person who understands Asperger’s syndrome can be beneficial to couples, and will help them deal with problem areas in their relationship.

    Being in a relationship with an Asperger’s man has its challenges, but these can be addressed by communication and counseling. A woman may have to be careful how she approaches the problem area and may need to explain how the man can improve. When done with the right attitude, these interactions can help improve the relationship.

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    References

    The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome, Tony Attwood, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2007

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/3354140/Love-and-Aspergers-syndrome.html


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