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Friendship and Men with Asperger’s
Asperger’s men often desire friends but may also be considered loners. Typically they have a much lower capacity for social interaction than a neurotypical man. Here are some more interesting facts about men with Asperger’s and friendship:
- Many men with Asperger’s fit into the stereotype of geek. They may be extremely gifted with computers and friendships often arise from a shared passion about computer gaming or programming.
- Asperger’s men are not good at making small talk. They can focus on a subject that interests them and talk endlessly about it but they do not understand how to exchange social niceties.
- An Asperger’s man may have a pet – often a dog – that he becomes quite attached to. The pet is a friend that does not place demands on the man and accepts him as he is. While not a substitute for human companionship, a pet can be a positive influence and a good friend.
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Marriage and Men with Asperger’s
Men with Asperger’s do marry but unless both partners are willing to work on problem areas, the relationship may not last.
- When courting a woman, an Asperger’s man may come across as quiet and reserved. In marriage, these qualities may become a point of contention as his wife becomes frustrated by his lack of communication.
- Sexual issues may arise if men with Asperger’s have not received an appropriate sex education. In some cases, they may have learnt about sex through watching pornography. This can be extremely upsetting if they try and act out similar scenes with their wife.
- Asperger’s men are normally more accepting of a woman’s flaws than neurotypical men. This includes things such as weight and appearance.
- Social activity may be limited and their wives often form their own friendships and socialize while their husbands stay at home.
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Facts about Employment and Men with Asperger’s
Men with Asperger’s can find employment and are generally reliable workers. However, even if they have the same qualifications as neurotypical men, they may not find a job as easily as they do. Here are some thoughts about Asperger’s men and employment:
- These men often do well at jobs where there is one-on-one training as opposed to a classroom setting.
- Team work may pose a problems and an Asperger’s man will function better if he is in a separate office without noise or distracting social interaction.
- Interviews often pose a problem as the Asperger’s man has impaired social skills and may not respond appropriately or may misread the interviewer’s body language. Practising interviews can be helpful in overcoming this problem.
- Asperger’s men often have a special interest or hobby and if they can find work in this field, they are often brilliant at what they do.
- They are consistent workers who work well within routines.
Men with Asperger’s have a number of strengths and weaknesses and can be extremely gifted in some areas. They generally make good employees and stable marriage partners and when people understand their condition it helps them to function better in a neurotypical society.
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The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome, Tony Attwood, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2007