written by: Debbie Roome
• edited by: Elizabeth Wistrom
• updated: 3/27/2011
Many women have married a man who has some unusual character quirks and behavior patterns. At some stage, they may ask, "Does my husband have Asperger’s syndrome?" Here, we attempt to answer that question by listing typical characteristics of someone with Asperger's syndrome.
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Does My Husband Have Asperger’s Syndrome
Asperger’s syndrome was only given a name and recognized as a condition in 1981. This means that many Asperger’s men who were teens or older at the time, were never diagnosed. Many of them have married, and while their wives may have noticed they had some eccentricities, they did not know that there was a reason for these. As more knowledge and information has become available about the condition, these women may stop and wonder, "Does my husband have Asperger’s syndrome?"
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Tell-tale Signs of Asperger’s Syndrome in Husbands
Asperger’s syndrome is a lifelong neurological condition that will not disappear and cannot be cured by a wife’s nagging. Understanding the condition is the best way of helping a man to work on his weaknesses and also allows a wife to appreciate his strengths. Here are some of the signs that may signify a husband has Asperger’s syndrome:
A husband with Asperger’s is often reliable and does things in an orderly manner. If he says he will do something, he does it.
Asperger’s men normally have strong moral convictions and may see everything as either right or wrong.
He likely prefers to do things in the same way, at the same time. Spontaneous change of plans can result in an emotional meltdown.
Social skills are poor and the man may avoid eye contact, dominate conversations and speak in a flat monotone.
These husbands are often loners and don’t need as much social contact as their wives. This can lead to the woman developing a separate social life to meet her need for friendship. Her man is often content to sit at home and work on a special hobby or interest.
A special interest is a sign of Asperger’s syndrome and in men it is often related to computers, astronomy, technology or electronics. They often have a natural aptitude in these areas and may be employed in a similar field. A wife may feel at times that her husband loves his hobby more than her, as he spends an inordinate amount of time and money on it. He may become angry if she challenges him about it.
Men with Asperger’s are not as worried about a woman’s appearance as neurotypical men tend to be. For this reason, they may marry across cultures or age groups, and excessive weight or problems with skin are not of major concern to them.
Sexuality may become a problem with Asperger’s men, especially after children are born. They have lowered desire and shy away from affectionate touch as well as physical intimacy. In a similar fashion, they are not given to endearments and will seldom express love to their spouse.
By looking for the above signs and symptoms, a wife may find the answer to her question, "Does my husband have Asperger's syndrome?" In many cases, a diagnosis can be helpful as she will realize there are genuine reasons behind her husband’s unusual behavior.
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The above is offered as information only, and should not be used as a substitute for advice from a medical professional.
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The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome by Tony Attwood, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2007